Our Garden of Glass
by Nozomi's Tarot Cards
Summary: Nozomi and Eli have been friends for 3 years; they have a strong bond created when they saved each other from themselves... but what happens when the girls realise that there's more between them than that? A Love Live! School Idol Project fanfiction. OKAY SRSLY WHO IS THE GUEST WHO KEEPS ASKING ABOUT AN NSFW SCENE IN THE REVIEWS?
1. The Spiritual Girl

**Nozomi's P.O.V**

Friends had always mattered to me. The special people who understand you, who make up your second family. The ones who hold you together on your bad days, and who set your laughter free into the endless sky on the good ones.

I've always kept this idea in my mind- no, in my heart. I longed for it more than I could ever say to anyone out loud, no matter how close we were.

I was young, shy and bashful back then. Back when I had no friends, only myself. My family moved around a lot back then. We went in and out of countless towns, countless schools. When I got to Otonokizaka Academy, I decided to stay. I was sick of the leaving. Sick of the arriving. I just wanted to _be._

 **Luckily I arrived in the right place. My place.**

XxxxxX

My heavy eyelids drift open slowly, adjusting to the painful light threatening to give me permanent retinal damage. Squinting, I feel my way over to the table and fall into a chair. And then I fall off the chair.

Not a great start to the day.

Grumbling quietly I start making my breakfast and tea. By the time I'm done, I'm back in high spirits, ready to face the world again. _No chair is gonna ruin my day before its even begun!_ I think cheerfully.

I start towards the door, my tarot cards in one hand and keys in the other, and use my elbows and the few free fingers I have left to turn the handle. Pulling the door open, I see a startled Eli, hand poised to knock and a startled expression on her face. My heart flutters slightly- probably due to the shock.

"Good morning, Elichi!" I greet her, cheerfully smiling.  
"G-Good morning, Nozomi," she sighs, overcoming her short panic.

"Shall we go to school then?"

"We'd better. I hate being late for class."

XxxxxX

I sat down on the bench outside at lunch, soaking up the sunshine and letting the cool breeze smoothly pass over my skin. The weather has been gorgeous today, I smile to myself.

Stretched out on the grass in front of me were the three first years, fiddling with the emerald blades below them, plus Nico, having a light-hearted argument about her next solo with Maki.

"I'm just saying, it's obvious that I'm the one the world wants to see the most in this group!"

"Oh, really? Do you have any proof concerning that statement?"

"..."

"..."

"...Nico-Nico-Nii?"

"That's what I thought!"

Nico slinks over to my bench and plonks herself down next to me, arms crossed and pouting.

"Nozomiiiiii, did you see how mean Maki was just now? I mean..." She trails off in horrified silence, as she sees my expression.

"Nico," I say, grinning as I raise my hands into the air. "If you don't knock it off, I'll have to use Washi Washi Max on you!"

She squeals and moves back on the seat, out of my current reach.

"Okay, okay!" She says in a high and squeaky voice. "I'm stopping! I'M STOPPING!"

I hear laughter coming from the 3 first-years on the lawn, and exhale loudly, dropping my arms into my lap.

"Oh! I forgot to ask!" She exclaims.

I raise an eyebrow in response.

"Where's Eli? I know she's a busy person and all, but normally she'd be here."

I avert my gaze, staring at my hands. "She's helping out a certain someone."

Umi had captured Honoka with the help of Kotori to attempt to get her to study for an upcoming test, which was going to be a major struggle for them, knowing the lack of enthusiasm they always get from the bubbly girl when she has to do schoolwork.

Maybe that's why Umi convinced Eli to help them.

A wave of irritation hit me, but I brushed it off. It's not like I had any giant claim on Eli, no more than anyone else here did.

"Ohhhh. Are we a bit jealous here, Nozomi?" I jump as I realize Nico is right next to me, smirking.

Her screams as I punish her Washi-Washi style echo around the area. Needless to say, she leaves me alone after that. I pick at my food until it's time for class, my appetite gone.

XxxxxX

The last bell finally goes, signalling the end of the day. I flex my fingers, which are slightly stiff from taking notes all day. Eli is practically glowing in the chair in front of me. Top of the class again in our English test. Well, really, every test. I'm a fairly good student, but I don't have the pure determination concerning my studies to get the kind of marks she does.

Eli turns to face me, beaming a 20 000 watt smile in my direction, melting both my heart and my eyes.

"Elichi! Trying to blind me here?" I tease, laughing.

She giggles, her face lightly flushed.  
"Sorry, sorry!" She says unconvincingly.

I suddenly feel a slight shiver coming down my back. I glance around, realizing that we have a small audience watching. Eli's face starts turning a light red.

"Come on, we don't wanna be late for practice!" I say, and use the excuse to whisk her out of the room.

We half-run to the club room, barricading ourselves inside. While I shut the door properly, Eli sits down on a chair, head in hands.

"There's no club practice today," she mumbles, whilst her hands drop and she slides face down onto the table.

"What was I supposed to do? Throw you to the wolves and make a run for it?" I keep my voice light.

Eli doesn't respond, just sits pitifully at the table.

"Come on, you're practically turning into Umi, getting all embarrassed like this." I joked desperately.

My attempt to make the situation better appears to fail. Her shoulders begin shaking and her breathing becomes ragged and desperate. I sigh, walking around to her and sitting in the next chair over. My hand rubs gently over her back, trying to calm her. Suddenly she has her arms around me, burying her face in my blazer and sobbing her guts out.

"Shhhhhhhhhhhh," I whisper in her ear, stroking her hair with one hand and holding her tight with the other.

We sit there together for a long time, long after the sobs petered out


	2. The Talented Mess

**Eli's P.O.V.**

I wait for her outside her apartment, my ponytail brushing my neck softly in the light breeze. 7:32 AM. Sighing, I reach out to knock, only to have the door opened. We stand there for a moment, our skirts ruffling slightly, before we snap back into action. I shake my head a little, as if the minor motion could remove the feelings I can't handle right now.

We walk to school, maintaining light conversation. But my mind is still elsewhere.

XxxxX

"Onee-chan!" Arisa yells in my direction, Yukiho standing behind her and rolling her eyes ever so slightly.

"Hey, wait for me to get in the door at least!" I laugh, walking into the house. I drop my keys onto the hall table and take off my shoes, all the while my excitable little sister is practically bouncing off the walls.

Standing up, I brush the dust off my legs, taking as long as possible to see if she can contain herself. I look up and Arisa is about to burst with her news, literally shaking.

"Alright, alright! What have you done this time?" I tease her. Yukiho laughs along with me, and when she starts to pout, it only makes us ready to keel over.

"Actually," she says, attempting to be cold to me but ultimately failing because she can't keep a straight face. "Yukiho and I finally learnt the dance for No Brand Girls! Will you look at it for us? Will you? Pleaaaaaaaase?"

I nod in agreement, and sit there for the full half hour it takes for them to rehearse again, set up the music, and finally perform, making sure I clap vigorously at the end and give them a little advice so that they feel I'm taking them seriously. Faces flushed and beaming, they push me out of the room so that they can work on their other routines.

XxxxX

I slump at my desk, worn out from another one of my stereo-typically busy days. A glance at the small clock on my bedside table reveals that it's only 6pm. The two girls downstairs have long since finished their practice, and dinner is yet to be started. I sit there, nearly falling asleep even in this uncomfortable position. My mind starts to wander, my consciousness drifting away slowly...

 ** _PING_**

 ** _..._**

 ** _PING_**

 ** _..._**

 ** _..._**

 ** _PING_**

 _ **...**_

 _ **PING**_

I jerk upwards at the sudden noise, hurting my neck slightly. _Oww..._ I groan internally. The pinging has stopped, and the light on my phone is on, indicating that I have a message. I pad across the room to my bed, opening the phone to see what's happened.

' _Eli-chi! It's supposed to rain tomorrow according to the forecast!_ '

' _Should we tell everyone else in advance, cos we have practice tomorrow? Even if it doesn't rain, I wouldn't mind having a day off practice, and I'm sure they would all agree. Umi being the one exception._ '

' _OK! Practice is called off for tomorrow! Wanna do something after school is over?_ '

' _Did you fall asleep at your desk again?_ '

I quickly text Nozomi back, telling her that I'll have to see if I have a lot to do in the afternoon first, and that I most certainly did NOT fall asleep at my desk. My body is still sleepy, but in the short amount of time between waking up and now, my brain activity has skyrocketed. I lie back on the bed, hugging a pillow to my chest and hoping to rest again. But my brain always finds a way to get back to the one topic I'd rather not think about.

My chest tightens and my heart starts to ache as the purple haired girl comes to mind, in between flashes of my classroom hysterics. _Ugh,_ I think to myself. _She must think I'm crazy after that. Not that she'd be wrong, really. She'll probably start probing me about the cause of them tomorrow._ No doubt she's already trying to pretend it didn't happen for my sake, judging by the upbeat tone of her messages.

I feel the embarrassment of my earlier display of emotion creep back in. I cover my eyes, as though shielding them from the lamplight can save me from these unwanted feelings.

XxxxX

"Argh! No! No more! I've had enough!" Honoka yells at the sky, melodramatically collapsing to the ground. The 9 of us have been practicing our choreography since 7am this morning, a full 5 1/2 hours of rehearsals since our Friday afternoon was rained out, just as Nozomi had said it would be. Umi pushes up her sleeves slightly, her eyebrows twitching in indignation.

"Honoka! We're not scheduled to finish for another 30 minutes! Get up so that we can continue!" She says in a raised voice, her hand balled up into fists out of frustration already.  
Honoka pouts in response and scrunches up her face, making me giggle at her childlike behavior. My laugh draws her attention, and she stares at me with wide-eyes. I audibly gulp, knowing what's going to happen next.

"Eliiiiiiiiiiiiiii! Umi is being mean again! You don't gave a problem with it, right, Eli? Why CAN'T we have a break?" She yells bitterly before trailing off into a sulky whisper. "Jeez, it's only half an hour. Not the end of the world or anything." Umi's eyes flash with anger.

"H-Hey, it IS only 30 minutes," I interject shakily, gaining both a vigorous nod of approval and a death glare from the two. " We've been at this for hours, so why don't we finish up just a bit earlier? We still have time to work on this song another day, Umi, so don't stress about it, okay?"  
The other girls (who had been on looking from a distance) start nodding and chatting about lunch. Honoka makes an escape while her attacker is distracted, running over to the others excitedly. I glance back at Umi, gesturing for her to join us, which she does, however reluctantly. Watching all the others makes me feel warm inside, knowing the amount of love and support between everyone, even in the middle of arguments. I suddenly notice that Nozomi isn't with the rest of them. _She's probably just getting a drink or in the bathroom,_ I think to myself absently. And then I feel heat creeping up into my face, realising that I'd been looking for her face, remembering that she's always the first face I look for, the first one I notice. I internally slap myself for getting all embarrassed about it in front of everyone, looking at the ground.  
" _Elliiii-chiiiiiiii..._ " I hear in my ear, making me squeal a little out of pure shock. I turn around only to be faced with Nozomi's laughter.  
"Nozomiiiiii." I complain. "Stop sneaking up on me!"  
"Aw, but the reaction is so cute! I couldn't pass up an opportunity like this!"  
I scowl playfully for a moment before going to get my bag from the shade by the wall. She raises an eyebrow questioningly at me.  
"What, don't tell me you're actually going to not come for parfaits with me," I tease. "The shop we went to yesterday was heaven. I wonder if it'll taste better after practicing?" She rolls her eyes at me, her hair flying out behind her as she turns around to get her things. We walk to the bathrooms to change before walking out the gates, side by side.

XxxxX

 _When did I realize that I felt... differently towards Nozomi than the other girls in the group?_ I think as I lay in bed, my mind evading sleep. I've known for some time now that what I felt was more than just friendship, even as strong as ours is and was. When she turned motherly on us, when she called me Eli-chi, when she showed her vulnerability or when she hid it so well?  
 _No. It doesn't matter. Just suppress it so no one gets hurt._ I think fiercely.

I groan in frustration, covering my face with a pillow.

"What have you done to me, Nozomi Tojo." I mutter into the soft whiteness.


	3. The Eli Substitute

**Eli's P.O.V.**  
"I'm sorry, I'm just fully booked today." I say into my phone.  
"Ehh? With what?" She says, her disappointment clear.  
"Arisa needs me to help her study today, she has tests coming up."  
"Awwww. Wish her luck from me, kay?"  
"Of course," I say. "Sorry to have ruined your plans for today."  
"It's fine! I'll ask Nicocchi to come out with me instead. No harm done."  
"Are you sure? I can get out of tutoring if it's a really big issue..."  
"Calm down, it's not like we had anything set in stone. See ya tomorrow, Elicchi!" Nozomi says, hanging up.  
I place my phone on my table, my hand lingering on it momentarily. I'm dying to call her back and tell her I'm coming with her.  
 _I'll make plans with her for tomorrow._  
Sighing, I grab my textbooks and notes, heading downstairs.

XxxxX

 **Nozomi's P.O.V.**

I put down the phone with a sigh. The two vouchers for the new Akiba maid cafe lay in front of me, making my disappointment grow. If they didn't expire tonight, I would've waited until we could go together. Instead I pick up my phone again and dial Nico's number.

XxxxX

I find her standing outside the cafe, expression showing her discomfort.  
"Good morning, Nicocchiii!" I greet her.  
She tilts her head up to look me in the eye.  
"Why? Why are we at a maid cafe?" She demands.  
"Ehh? Didn't I say this was where we'd be going?" I say, tilting my head in confusion.  
"But why a MAID CAFE? Last time I was in one of these..." she trails off darkly. I raise an eyebrow, urging her to continue.  
"...they thought I was Maki's little sister." She mumbles.  
"Well, you are pretty tiny. And it's not like you have any kind of bust to prove your age-"  
"Oi! T-That's... LEAVE MY BOOBS OUT OF THIS!"  
"More importantly, what were you and Maki doing at a Maid Cafe alll by yourselvessss?" I ask teasingly.  
"We were just shopping! It's not like we were on a date, Nozomi!" She fumes. I just giggle at her flustered state, holding the door open for her. Nico stalks in, arms crossed over her chest. A brunette Maid leads us upstairs to a free table by a large window overlooking the street, a tangle of colours merging below us. I hand her the vouchers from my bag and she leaves to deliver our order. Weak sunlight streams through the glass, reflecting off the empty water glass in front of me.

Nico eyes the maids with a hard expression on her face. I roll my eyes at her pettiness.  
"You can't _seriously_ have a grudge against all maids, can ya?"  
"S-Shut up Nozomi..." she says sulkily, averting her eyes. My phone pings from my bag. I pull it out and start typing a reply while Nico watches questioningly. I stop mid-sentence.  
"Is there a problem?" I ask.  
"Just wondering if there was something important happening, because it's normally considered rude to pull out your phone when you have company, let alone when you're with super idol Nico-Niii."  
"Oh, it's just Elicchi worrying over nothing. I asked her here first but she wasn't available so I called you." I say.

"...what?"  
"Let me get this straight- the only reason I got invited out today was because Eli couldn't make it? So I'm just a backup?" She fumes.  
"Hey, calm down, Nicocchi. You know I would've invited ya in the first place if I'd had 3 vouchers."  
She sits in silence across from me, pouting at the tablecloth.  
"Just think about it reasonably! If you'd only had 2, would _**I**_ be the first person you'd ask?" Her face freezes at this point, realising that I've caught her out. Luckily for her, the maid returns with our food, and the tense atmosphere between us dissolves as we start eating.  
The sweet cake in front of me is light and melts in my mouth, making me feel warm inside. As I eat slowly, savouring the sensation, Nico starts the chat up again, asking what Eli was up to today. I answer her between bites and sips of tea. And then she asks something that makes me choke on my drink. I cough into my handkerchief violently for a solid minute.  
"I'm sorry, _what_ did you say?"  
She smirks to herself. "Nothing. Nothing at all."

XxxxX

We part at the end of her street, after I insisted on walking her at least that far.  
 _"After all, with your figure, ya might get snatched up by a sexual predator looking for cute little girls!"_ I'd joked, causing her to get mad, worried and indignant at the same time.  
I turn away from her, beginning to leave.  
"I know it's a lot to come to terms with," the raven haired girl says to my back. "I get that is hard and confusing and that I might even have it wrong. But just remember to trust your heart on this, ok?"  
Light footfalls fade into the distance as she goes.  
I start the walk back to my apartment as the streetlights gradually came to life, casting dark shadows around my feet, and as I walked, I let my mind wander idly.  
When I reached my building, I found myself walking straight past it, deeper into the night. I just didn't want to go home yet. I continued on and on, winding through busy streets until I could comprehend my own out-of-character actions enough to stop.  
The first thing I noticed was the trees branching out above me, strung with jam jar lanterns and fairy lights, and beyond that, the pinprick stars set in an inky black sky. My breath caught in my throat at the sight, one of the most beautiful things I had seen. I look around me, in awe of my surroundings. Voices could be heard nearby. I walk towards them slowly, pulling a shrub to the side so that I can see what lays beyond them. Suddenly, there are people everywhere. Busy streets are just outside the natural blockades, and yet I feel totally secluded where I'm standing. On the other side of the small clearing is a larger park area, inhabited by a few couples out for romantic walks. The lights continue over there, but the feel is completely different.  
 _I wonder..._  
I think back to what Nico said earlier, prior to my coughing fit.  
 _"So, have you realised your true feelings for her yet, or are you still as dense as ever?"_  
Truth be told, I'd never thought about our relationship in any way other than a normal friendship, simply because it hadn't ever occurred to me that there were other possibilities for us.  
Confusion swirls around my head.

 _If she's right..._

 _Is there even an 'if ' about this?_

I groan aloud but quietly as I start to make my way home.

"Trust my heart, ya think, Nicocchi?" I ask the darkness.


	4. The Distance

**Eli's P.O.V.**

I glance over again, narrowing my eyes at her as we walk home after our makeup day out. She's been acting weird all day, starting at the lightest brush of our legs and freaking out when I offered to treat her to something to apologise for skipping out on her last weekend to help Alisa.  
"Nozomiiiiii." I say suspiciously. She jumps a little at my tone.  
"Y-yes, Elicchi?" She says. Her voice is higher than normal and she won't look at me whatsoever.  
"What's going on with you?"  
"N-nothing at all! Why do ya ask? Ehehe..." she trails off softly. Nozomi has been like this all day. It's starting to get on my nerves a little, honestly. I wish she would just open up to me about what's bothering her.  
Her expression is suddenly softer, more vulnerable. She sighs, fiddling with her hair tie momentarily.  
"E-Eli. I ..." Nozomi pauses for a moment which feels like an hour. I start to feel nervous about what she might say. In our almost 3 years together, there has never been a day more tense than this one.  
"N-Nevermind!" She half shouts, before blushing at the attention drawn to her. "I'll see ya tomorrow! " She yells, already running away from me as fast as her legs can carry her.  
I freeze for a moment in the middle of the street while other people pass me by on all sides. My brain kicks into action and I feel myself walking away. I'm not used to being shunned by my best friend. It hurts.

XxxxX

I tie the apron strings into a bow behind my back and open the fridge door, leaning in to look for the ingredients for dinner. My eyes unfocus slightly, making it hard to read the labels.  
"Onee-chan?" I hear a voice behind me inquire. I shake my head a few times, and my vision corrects itself as I turn around.  
"Alisa! Finished with your studying already?"  
She smiles at me proudly and nods head. The flash of worry in her eyes comes and goes so fast that I wonder if it was really there.  
"Want some help with dinner?" She asks. I point her towards the aprons in reply with a quick wink. Alisa enthusiastically puts one on and starts taking things out of the cupboards.  
For a while we giggle at small mistakes and make small talk. And then there is silence. I awkwardly move around the kitchen, putting the finishing touches on things as she sits at our table, twisting her hands in her lap uncomfortably.  
 _She's so easy to read,_ I think to myself as I assemble the food on dishes. As I set them on the table she averts her gaze.  
"Alright, what's up? What do you want to ask me?" I say in a worn voice.  
"W-well, it's just that you've been acting really strangely since you got home today." She says awkwardly.  
"

Eh? Really?" I reply unconvincingly. Alisa gives me a look. I stare at my lap, feeling the water well up in my eyes, blurring my vision.

 _Nozomi..._

A hand creeps into my line of sight, offering a hankerchief. I take it and wipe my eyes.

"Did you have a fight with Tojo-san?" She asks innocently. I shake my head vigorously.  
"It wasn't a fight... honestly, I have no idea what happened." I laugh bitterly, my voice catching. She comes up behind me and hugs me gently, stroking my hair as I sob into my hands.  
"I don't k-know what I d-did wrong!" I half-shriek through the tears, moving into my sisters embrace. She makes soothing noises as she continues to cradle me, tears of her own falling onto me.

XxxxX

I stare at the roof. From the floor. My back aches in protest, but I honestly have no desire to move. The tears that ran down my face earlier are gone, leaving my eyes itchy and most likely red.  
I've worked out what happened this afternoon. After pouring out all the details of recent events between us (leaving out my own feelings) to Alisa, it hit me. And it was so obvious that I wanted to punch myself in the face. That I still do.

I'm the problem. She must have worked out that I've fallen for her. She must think that I'm disgusting for having these feelings. Not that she'd ever say. She's too nice for her own good, in that respect. I'm going to have to distance myself from her. It will probably be one of the most painful things I ever do, but if I ever want to be close to her again I need to give her space, and cut off my own feelings altogether.

My breathing comes roughly as I repeat these words to myself over and over and over, my new mantra.  
 _Just a little suffering,_ I coax myself.  
 _Just a little suffering and everything will be back to normal. You know it's the only way._

XxxxX

 **Nozomi's P.O.V**

I slip around a corner into an alleyway, taking the shortcut to the shrine. Thoughts whirl around around my head like a hurricane as I hurry into the changing room. I breathe a sigh of relief at my successful and very awkward escape. Honestly, I didn't come here to work today. I'm just hoping Eli hasn't worked that out yet.

XxxxX

The air is fragrant and warm tonight, and it washes over me refreshingly as I walk home. I can't seem to be able to get rid of the light blush adorning my cheeks, even away from her. I feel so excited and nervous and a tiny bit sick all at the same time, because I love her. I love her more than anything I've ever loved before, and I'm an idiot for not realising sooner. And I can't wait to tell her that, to tell her all of this.

But I'm worried. My head droops as I remember all the things that could go wrong. I've been too afraid to consult my cards because of what I might find out. I trudge up the stairs and into my apartment, locking the door behind me before using it to slide tragically to the floor. I pull out my phone and dial slowly.  
"Nico Nico Nii! Super Idol Nico Nii speaking!"  
"Umm, Nicocchi?"  
"Nozomi? Ah! What do you think of my new answer?"  
"It was," I pause. "Very Nico-ish?"  
"..That's not feedback." She says bluntly. "Fine. What do you need, then?"  
"I need help with telling Eli that I love her."  
"Oh o- WAIT WHAT?!" She screams.  
"Can you come out tonight?" I ask.  
"Actually, I'm looking after Kokoro and the others tonight because Mama's working until late. But you could come here, if you want."

XxxxX

"Oh. So that's how it is." She says. "But why are you slumped on my table again? All this is sooo out of character for you."  
I glare up at her as she laughs. _Honestly,_ I think to myself dryly. Nico looks down at me suddenly, her eyes sparkling and dreamy.  
"It's okay. I really do understand. Love is hard on a young maidens heart." She says softly. "The confusion of all these emotions hitting you at the same time. Going from cutesy to depressed in seconds."  
"Are we talking about you or me here?"  
"Y-you of course! Why would I be in love with Maki!?"  
"I never said anything about Maki, Nicocchi." I smirk at her. She's so easy to fluster.  
"Ni-Nico Nico Nii!"  
"Figured." I say teasingly, standing up and brushing imaginary dust from my knees. "I'll see you tomorrow then."  
"Ah! But don't you want my advice?" I raise my eyebrows at her.  
"Just tell her. You and Eli are close enough that if something goes wrong here, it's only a matter of time before things will get back to normal."  
I nod at her, walking towards the exit. "Cya, Nicochi." I call over my shoulder as I leave the house.

XxxxX

I march into school the next day, my face set with determination. That is, until girls start backing away from me. Then I tone it down a bit.  
 _This is it!_ I say, trying to motivate myself. _Today I can close the distance between us!_  
I walk into class half an hour early and sit down, watching as my classmates come in at different times.

The first bell goes.

And then the second.

And Eli isn't here.

XxxxX

 **Just in response to an anonymus review I was sent:**

 **Thankyou for reading! (This goes out to all of you, especially those of you who have followed or favourited this story 3)**

 **Let's be realistic- we're all NozoEli trash if we've come this far**

 **And as for your question about whether a certain scene would make an appearance later...**

 **well, I'll work that bit out later ;)**

 **LOVE YOU ALL AHAHAHAHA**


	5. The Visit

**Nozomi's P.O.V.**  
"N-Nozomi?"  
I look up towards the voice addressing me. The 2nd year girl above me looks concerned.  
"Yes, Kotori?" I say quietly.  
"U-Um, you wouldn't... happen to know where E-" She was cut off at lightening speed as Nico slaps her hand over her mouth.  
"Nevermind!" She says in a fake cheerful voice. "Say, Nozomi, why don't you just go ahead and take the rest of the afternoon off?"  
I nod and go to gather my things together. The other girls watch in silence, worry radiating out of them as I leave the room. I hate myself for it, but I can't comfort them. I can't even think about summoning up my maternal side for them today.

It's been a few days now since that afternoon where I ran away from her. Nobody has heard from her- even Alisa won't give out any details, although it honestly sounds like she doesn't understand why Eli has shut herself away either. All the girls in μ _'_ s are worried. Actually, everyone in the school is worried. But none of them have to deal with this... this guilt I am feeling. I can't help but feel that I've caused this, whatever it is.

Maybe...

Maybe it's time for me to bring her back. Whatever it is, whether it's me who's caused it or not, she shouldn't have to deal with it alone.

XxxxX

I come to the door of her house, hesitating at the door. It's just me here today; everyone else probably would've come with me if I'd told them I was going, but I knew it was something to be done alone.

As I stand outside, procrastinating whether I should see her or not, the door swings open, nearly hitting me in the face. My balance is thrown off instantly and I stumble backwards, falling onto the ground hard.

"Ehh?! Nozomi-senpai!" I hear. Alisa stands over me, shock written all over her. She reached out with her hand, offering to pull me up. I use my arms to pull myself into a sitting position, accidentally hitting one of her legs in the process with my own, causing her to crash down on top of me. My cheeks flush red as she falls face-first into my chest. I wince a little at the pain, tilting my head back to the sky as she madly apologises to me. Eli's curtains are closed.

She invites me inside after this, still blushing as she bustles around the kitchen.  
"H-Here.." A cup of tea is thrust awkwardly into my hands. I smile at her stiffly as she sits opposite me, pushing the white-blonde hair behind her ears.  
"So you came to see Onee-chan, right?" Alisa says, avoiding my eyes and looking downwards at the table.  
"Yes, I did," I reply, taking a sip of the sweet drink. "Is she still in her room?"  
Her face crumbles a little at this. "She only comes out to make dinner..." she trails off, the light sapphire eyes gleaming with tears. "She won't tell me anything... I-I'm really scared..."  
Her sobs echo off the empty room around us.  
I stand up, ruffling her hair gently.  
"Don't worry, Alisa-chan. It'll all work out." I say, cursing myself internally for being such a hypocrite. "Thank you for the tea, but I'm going to visit Eli now, so please excuse me."

XxxxX

 **Eli's P.O.V**

I can hear voices outside.

I can hear voices inside.

There are footsteps coming towards me now.

"E-Elicchi? I'm going to open the door."

Of course it's her.

XxxxX

 **Nozomi's P.O.V**

I walk into her room, and the darkness hits me harder than any light could. A mass of blankets is huddled into the corner of the room, thin tendrils of blonde hair creeping out in several places. I sit down hesitantly on her abandoned bed.

"Eli... why are you locked in here?"  
I ask softly.

She remains silent. My heart throbs as I realise she's been in here for days in this glazed-over state, completely tuned out from reality.

"Elicchi-"

"Don't." She says sharply. I flinch at her tone of voice.

"D-Don't?-"

"Yes. I'd prefer it if you left."

"I can't do that," I reply, struggling to keep myself calm. "I came here to work out what's wrong-"

"What's wrong?" She laughs bitterly. "What's _wrong_? I'm what's wrong here, Nozomi! It's me! So now you can go."

"What have I done... what have I done to make you upset. I can tell that it's about me." My voice cracks at the end. I cover my mouth with my hands to stop her from hearing.

"Maybe it is because of you." She says harshly, the blankets falling. Her face crumbles as her eyes lock onto mine.

A stray tear rolls down my face, and I sob quietly into the darkness.

"Maybe because you brought out the best in me. Because you helped me so much. Because you knew me better than I knew myself. Because you became friends with me in the first place."

"Elicchi... what are you trying to say? I don't.. I don't understand..."

"YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I'M TRYING TO SAY, NOZOMI. I LOVE YOU. AND YOU ALREADY KNEW..." She starts crying loudly, gasping for air. "You.. you already knew. And I'm sorry, and I'm doing my best to separate myself from you so that this situation doesn't get worse... so please... please leave."

I can't move.

I can't comprehend it.

"Are you saying," I start even though she's glaring at me. "Are you seriously saying that this whole time you've been hiding yours, and I only just realised mine?"

She looks up at me as I come towards her, kneeling in front of her. Eli's face is a mixture of disbelief, pain, love and hatred.

"Eli-"

"Don't."

"W-Why?!" I say, blinded by my realisation.

"Because... even if all this is real-"

"Of course its real!-"

"Even if it's all real..." She gazes at me sadly. "We're two girls. We can't be in love... so please, don't make this harder for me."

I stare at her in shock. My fleeting happiness falls around me.

"You..." I choke on the words. "You don't want to be in love with me?"

"No, I don't want to-" She stops suddenly at the words from her own mouth. "N-Nozomi, I didn't mean it like that! I-"

I'm already out of the room.

Down the hall.

Out the door.

Running

From Eli Ayase.


	6. The Cause & Effect

**Eli's P.O.V.**

She's so much braver than I am...

Purple hair that once flew out in perfect and electrifyingly alive twintails now lies limply against her navy blazer. Eyes that once sparkled with mischief and compassion, divinity, the kindness that overflowed with every look... dull in comparison to my clear memories. Even so, her uniform is still impeccable. As you'd expect from the Student Council Vice-President.

I watch her as she comes into the classroom, coming up to my desk.

"Good morning, Elicchi." Nozomi smiles at me. But her smile is coming apart, fraying at the edges.

"Nozomi..." Guilt hits me all over again as I look at her.

Her eyes are filled with sadness, but the smile is painted onto her face, refusing to budge an inch. The bell rings, and she walks to her desk, as I sit there with my mouth open, empty of the words I need to say.

xoxox

I approach her at the beginning of our break.

"Nozomi... can we talk?" I blurt out awkwardly. She stares at me blankly for a moment, before snapping into action as her doll face is moved back into place. We get up and move to the roof, as far from the door and other people as possible.

We face each other, and I try again to conjure the words I want to say.

"S-Sorry. I'm really sorry."

"Sorry for what?" she said, tilting her head to the side and smiling.

"When you came over-"

The pain crosses her features quickly. "What are you talking about, Elicchi? You've been off sick all week! When I came over yesterday you were asleep."

"Please. Don't pretend that you don't know what I'm talking about."

"Seriously, Ellichi-"

"NOZOMI." I say, becoming frustrated with us both. "You know _exactly_ what I mean. Why are you doing this?"

She looks up at me, tears finally in her eyes, where I knew they should be.

"Why can't I pretend that everything is fine? Just because I can't have what I want doesn't mean that the world is going to stop while I sort myself out, so why should I act any differently?"

"Because you're HUMAN!" I say. "Because you're allowed to feel things!"

"So what if I'm allowed to feel?" She says in a tiny voice. "You can't return what I want you to. So let me try to move on in my own way."

"I want nothing more than for you to be able to move on, Nozomi! But I can't stand seeing you this upset and pretending you're okay!"

Her eyes flashed. "You can't have it both ways. You either have me or you let me sort myself out and deal with it."

There's a long pause, the silence punctuated by her suppressed sobs.

"Eli... look me in the eyes and tell me that this is about more than your own feelings."

"Eh? What do you mean?"

She pushes her hair off her face helplessly, looking up at the sky to drain the tears off herself.  
"Tell me that the reason you want to apologise so badly is because you feel like you need to redeem yourself, because you feel guilty. Because I can tell that it's not about how I feel."

"Is that," I say. "How you really think of me? Am I really that cold?"

"No! You know I love you!" I cringe slightly as she says it. "But... but.."

Her sobs almost stop her talking completely. I wipe my own away fiercely.  
"I had no idea that you had such a terrible image of me."

"That's not it! I didn't mean-"

"Whatever." The tears won't stop. I rub harder. "Whatever. Nothing happened."

She meets my eyes through the saltwater haze. We stare for one second, two seconds, three seconds, before I break away. Nozomi sinks to the ground, along with my fury, head in hands. I step towards her. And then back again, out through the door, taking the stairs three at a time. My feet stumble on the last one, making me sprawl across the hard floor as concerned faces surround me. Why is it always like this? I can't ever seem to make any progress on myself. One step forwards, and three steps back every time. Hands help me up, their warmth and kindness seeping into my skin and setting off fresh waves of guilt. What have I ever done to earn their generosity?

Maybe it's for the best that I isolate myself. Less collateral damage over my mistakes.


End file.
